One simple blush
by GreenSister
Summary: When the notorious Stone face *coughs% Lan *coughs* shows signs of worry, and ice queen Moiraine blushes, there ought to be a good explanation, right? We all know Lan is the ultimate perfect guy, so how do you exactly give him up to another woman?


It was late at night when Lan returned to the camp. With Moiraine in those sweat tents every night he had nothing better to do than to scout the surrounding forest and practice the forms. Not that it was really necessary. He had daily trainings with Rand, and Far Dareis Mai were more than capable in doing, well, pretty much everything, but he still felt it was his duty.

No one seemed to mind he was absent for hours, nor did they ask any questions, when he, due to habit, started checking nearby bushes and dark corners between the wagons. It was more to that than, the Aiel being Aiel, and minding their own business, they knew full well who he was. Problem was, he had no idea.

The only thing he knew was he was angry, angry with Moiraine, with himself, with the whole world. He was a loyal Warder and a good friend for twenty years, twenty _bloody_ years! For what? To be sent away like a troublesome child, like a used saddle?

Light knew he had nothing against Myrelle, but the last thing he wanted was to be treated like a dog! And that was just the beginning! After Myrelle is done with him, she'll give his bond to…to…some child! If only he had the luxury not to know who that child would be. loved Nynaeve but he couldn't just leave behind the person he fought for, he _lived_ for, for two decades. The guilt of almost doing so was the main reason he acted like they were in the middle of a battle every night. Well, even more than he usually did anyway.

Now he stood in front of her tent and felt like the worst person since the Creation, not to mention the worst Warder since the turning of the Wheel. Moiraine knew of course. She _knew_ about the promise he gave Nynaeve along with that bloody ring. She knew he betrayed her, and still she tried to save him. _She _tried to _save him. _No matter the way, she did it to protect him. And what was he doing? He took care of horses and started their fights. This tent had more use to her than he did. That, on the other hand, _wasn't_ _his_ fault.

She was acting like everything was under control but he knew her well enough to know when she was worried. Just this time, it was more than simply being worried. Sometimes he felt she was being desperate. _Despair _from _Moiraine?! _Tarmon Gaidon couldn't be that close, and yet the bond showed she felt like it was. Ever since she returned from Rhuidean she acted like she was saying goodbye to him. Like that wasn't enough there was that ridiculous oath she gave to Rand. He was a good lad, but for the love of the light, there was a reason he called him sheepherder! The last thing the boy's ego needed was an obedient Aed Sedai.

Suddenly, he realized he was sitting on Moiraine's bedroll, gazing at the darkness outside the tent. He could feel her approaching. The bond was a subtle mixture of determination, tiredness and pain. He felt that combination from her for to many times. He couldn't help but feel affection for that amazing woman. He always liked strong women. Never had he seen something so small, and yet so strong, so tough and yet so beautiful. She was a part of him, in every possible since of the word. They travelled together, bled together, matured together. Before this mess started he knew her every thought, every move. Many of those who met her considered her cold and distant, but those who earned her trust knew she was a wonderful, caring person. She was his best friend, his only real friend. Now her life was at stake and she was acting like it was none of his bloody business. That light blinded woman treated her own Warder like an oblivious boy. Well, there was one thing about him she somehow managed to forget- Lan Mandragoran was no boy, and he certainly wasn't oblivious.

It looked like a perfect evening for settling the score, and just when he heard her footsteps coming his way, Moiraine entered the tent, erasing every rational thought from his mind. Her hair, soaked with sweat clenched to her face, and her whole body sparkled in the dim light of an oil lamp. Her brown eyes looked dreamy and deeper than ever, and she smelled like roses. That melodic voice was shaking while her delicate hands tried to grip the ends of her half-open robe, desperately trying to stop it from moving and revealing more of her pale skin. She was obviously to lost in her thoughts to notice his presence. Her body still had red stripes, mementos from her ordeal in Rhuidean. She was sweaty, wounded and blushing, but light, was she beautiful.

* * *

Moiraine felt the subtle strokes of coldness brushing against her skin as she walked, or better yet, _ran _back to her tent. It was bad enough that she couldn't even take a decent bath, but she had to share a sweat tent with at least four women, who happened to be incredibly irritating. Moiraine was never good at taking orders, hidden or otherwise, and the fact she was getting them _naked, from naked women _made things beyond unbearable. Thankfully, the steam usually managed to turn her mind into a blissful haze so she didn't have to listen to every word they said. While she was struggling to think of a new way to regain her control over Rand and her own plans, she reached for the cloth covering her tent and quickly entered, yearning for some privacy, or at least some clothes. Little did she know that she won't find neither of these things.

Instead, she found her long time Warder, and friend, staring at her like he had never seen her before. Her own voice sounded strange in her ears when she asked him what he was doing alone in her tent, in this time of night. When he didn't answer, she realized what he was looking at and frantically reached for her robe, pulling it closer and suppressing blushes. First Perrin, now this, she really ought to be more careful. With what, entering _her own_ tent? That men needed to learn humility and manners once and for all! And just when she opened her mouth to give him a piece of her mind, _he_ started yelling at _her_!

-''Moiraine, in the name of the light, look at yourself!''

Moiraine was too surprised to utter a reasonable answer so she just tightened the robe and stared at him like he had just announced he could channel.

-''Are you trying to kill yourself?'' He continued shouting, and kneeled in front of her.

-''You are still weak, and it's freezing outside! You act like everything's perfect''_, he roared on_,'' you push yourself to the limits, you jeopardize your life and mine and you won't even tell me what's bloody going on!''

Moiraine hated seeing Lan angry. When Lan got angry, people died, and she had _never _seen him like this. It took all of her self control to summon her infamous Aes Sedai serenity. When she was sure her voice won't tremble she cut him off.

-''Are you quite finished Gaidin?''

Good, she thought to herself, her voice was cool, her eyes could freeze a raging fire and since he was still kneeling, she was towering over him for a change.

-''I'm bloody well not!'', he exclaimed, not even slowing down! It seemed he had practiced this in advance.

Well, if he thought he could beat Moiraine Damodred in a fight, he was in for a rude awakening.

-''If you are intending to continue with this tirade, I'm afraid I'll take no further part in it. For one thing, I'm not jeopardizing your life, you know I've already made arrangements for that, and for the other, nothing is ever perfect in war al'Lan Mandragoran.''

She stayed calm and her voice was just a little short of a whisper. Not one part of her body moved as she observed his reaction.

At first he just stared at her eyes, his own filling with rage, his chest heavy with every deep breath he was making. And then, just when Moiraine thought he regained his composure, she realized that the bond was shoving the exact opposite. There, below her legs, the strongest man she ever had the honor to meet, started shaking, his forehead wet with sweat, his hands clenched into fists, and when he started talking it sounded like he was choking with every word.

-''If I have disappointed you so badly…if…if I betrayed you so terribly that you don't want me for your Warder anymore, you could have just told me so.''

-''Lan'', she tried, but he didn't seem to notice her at all.

-''If I failed you, please forgive me, I take full responsibility and I will bare the shame for as long as I live, but please, Moiraine, tell me what's wrong, for now I'm not living at all.''

His rage disappeared as fast as it came, and he only looked lost, hurt and vulnerable. Moiraine knew how he was feeling. Every night in her dreams she saw the same scene, the same deceivingly beautiful face, the same inevitable ending. Faced with his pain, she felt her own twice as hard, and it almost brought tears to her eyes. Gracefully she knelt before him, placing her hand on his shoulder. Locking her gaze with those crystal blue eyes, she started talking.

-''Forgive me old friend, for I meant you no harm. We shared everything for so long that I wished, just this once, to spare you from feeling my pain. There are things not even you can protect me from, things that are meant for the individual alone. I can not tell you what lies ahead, for I do not know for sure, but what I do know is that with the help of the light, everything is going to end well. We are all but the threads in the pattern, and when my time comes, I will be ready.''

The bond trembled from the force of combined waves of affection and pain.

-''The mask'', he whispered.

Moiraine only blinked in confusion.

-''You are wearing that mask again'', he spoke even quieter.

Before she even had the time to react she found herself in his tight embrace.

-''The mask you wear when you avoid answering the right questions'', he added answering her own. ''I know you to well to hope for any answers now, but I will comfort you. And I _will _die for you.''

-''Death comes to us all Lan, you thought me that'', she whispered back, placing her head against his shoulder. ''But yours can wait'', she added, as he removed a lock that fell over her eyes.

She looked up at him. His eyes held nothing but warmth now, warmth and affection.

-''Every man dies Aes Sedai, but every man must live first. I was dead before I met you. You gave me a reason to breathe, to exist. You have my life Moiraine, you _are_ my life.''

Slowly, gently, he rubbed his palm over her cheek. He held it there, his other hand stroking her hair.

-''Take the mask off, Moiraine'', he whispered, moving his hand and kissing her cheek.

-''I'm afraid I no longer know how'', she answered in a sad voice.

His eyes never left hers as he slowly leaned towards her and placed a soft kiss to her lips. The sensation of having someone this close to her again made her head spin, and the bond felt like finest spiced wine-sweet and thrilling at the same time. Any other day and Moiraine would jump and tell him to stop, any other day she would have been terrified by her own emotions, but this was not any other day. They were closer to Alguenia and the docks by the day, and everything that awaited her there was coming soon enough.

Lan was right. Every man must die, but first, for once in her life Moiraine wanted to live. Quickly she wove protection over the tent, so no sound could come in or out of it.

She held on to him, to his lips, to his touch, she held on to him for dear life. And hours later when she found herself safely enveloped in his embrace, she realized the meaning of being truly complete. Now they said everything that needed to be said, now they've done more than she ever dreamed they would do.

Now that the mask was down, she was ready to give him to Nynaeve and his own destiny. He had given her more than he will ever know. She kissed his cheek ready to pull the mask back on, and released the sound weave. Suddenly the sound of battle echoed through the tent and they both quickly stood up. Lan, as every experienced soldier, managed to dress in a few short moments, but her tight dress with endless rows of buttons was a hopeless couse.

Unwillingly she wrapped herself in a thin robe she was lying on and somehow succeeded in finding her slippers. After catching Lan's gaze, and nodding her head, they both strolled out of the tent, ready to sacrifice themselves for everyone else, knowing that what they shared that night belonged to them alone.


End file.
